Little Girls Selling Fruit

These enterprising young people sold me some very tasty figs and plums. The one standing next to me is names Jasmina and all the little girls loved my bracelet (that I always wear for Leah) and my ring (which I always wear for Toshi).

They were very skilled at the "hard sell." They pointed out that the fruit was "very good, very cheap, only 1 Euro!" and I couldn't refuse. Plus I was hungry! We had been on the bus, visiting sites for hours at that point and man oh man did those figs look good!


Here you can see me happily clutching the cones filled with bounties of the Earth. The kids made the cones out of a single sheet of notebook paper, rolled up and folded crisply at the bottom. Ingenious!

In the background you can see the remnants of this ancient walled town--on top of the hill is one of the towers from the wall (most of the wall was apparently still intact until this most recent war in the 1990s destroyed it and now it is being reconstructed).

Medugorje

This is near the site where 6 teenagers in the 1980s had a vision of the Virgin Mary carrying the baby Jesus. She reappeared in the site where this church was then built, and now it is one of the top pilgrimage sites for Catholics worldwide. In fact, it is the only place in Bosnia with a large permanent resident population of Irish Catholics (we just love a good Virgin Mary visitation!).


One of the most interesting and controversial aspects of this place has to do with this statue of the Blessed Virgin.

On the knee, you can see a small spot that weeps a red substance which very much resembles blood. The faithful say Mary is bleeding for her son or for us or for whatever, while skeptics say there must be plumbing inside which causes the weeping.

The one fact that is not disputed is that a small amount of reddish substance is constantly emitted from the knee.

While we were visiting, mass was happening and there were just hundreds of people outside the church participating in the service. It was inspiring to see their devotion and vicariously experience their faith.

In this spot, you can buy a red candle and say a prayer if you want. I made a prayer for my mother that she may overcome the hurt and guilt of her Catholic upbringing. It was amazing, actually, because right after this, I received my first phone call of the trip: from my MOM! It was her birthday this week.



After purchasing kitsch like you wouldn't believe, I accidentally left my wallet in one of the stores on the counter! After leaving Medugorje in the bus, I realized in a panic that I didn't have my wallet. But I was able to go back to the town (in the "executive van") and when I got there, the proprietor came running out, shaking her finger and chastising me, "stupid, stupid, stupid! Allison I have your wallet!" Oh never in my life have I been so happy to be called stupid! All the money, cards, and everything was there!!!! The woman said she had been looking for me for an hour and showed me the goosebumps on her arm. She refused to take any money for her help, stating that she was a good Catholic. She also said (in Bosnian, which was translated for me) that I was lucky to lose my wallet in Medugorje, because if I left it somewhere in Sarajevo it would be gone in 5 seconds!

So maybe there is something to this Virgin Mary thing after all.... I definately felt someone was looking after me (and my wallet!).

Bosnian Girls are Beautiful!

Our tour guide, Emina, today was wonderful; she knows so much about the history of the region, she is a kind, sensitive human being, and she is a war survivor herself. She si my age, so she was 15 during the war. She spoke to us about her experiences and about the experiences of her family during the time when they were separated and she was in prison with part of her family under Chetnik (Serb) control.

Someone asked her if it helps her to talk about it or is it just brings up bad memories, and she said it helps her very much. She also said that many tour groups do not want to hear about the war or her experiences and some people have even responded by countering what she knows to be true (because she lived through it) with phrases like, "well It wasn't that way at all... I was in Belgrade at the time and really it was like this... in Bosnia." So she said she was grateful to have a tour like us who were really interested in hearing about the war, about her experiences, and who believed her without trying to come up with our own version of what happened.

She said something that really changed my perceptions of women in this region. I have often been confused and even upset by the degree to which women here focus on their looks, spending lots of money on clothes, shoes, and bags... always having perfect makeup and hair. I thought this was some kind of overidentification with what i would consider to be anti-female/unnatural body standards and hiding behind makeup. But Emina was talking about how people survived the war by fighting in small ways since they had not even 1 single tank to fight against the Serb-run Yugoslav National Army--which had been 6th army in the world for weapons at the start of the war.

Emina said during the war, the women wore makeup and refused to be brought down to a lower standard of living. She said, "we fight in this way."

With these 5 words, she revolutionized my perspective and corrected many if my assumptions about the underlying reasons why these women feel it is important to look the way they do. It is not an attempt to conform to "Western" commercial standards of beauty or to prove their image to the world as a modern nation as I previously thought. It is actually a statement of power that the women here cannot be made ugly, dehumanized, and made to feel unimportant. They have claimed their right to remain as they were before the war: a cosmopolitan people who take great pride in looking well.

The following picture is an offensive thing that one of the presenters showed as a slide. It was written by the Dutch peacekeepers who were stationed in Bosnia supposedly to protect the women (and children and men), which they did not do. instead of intervening while women were raped and men were shot and children were mutilated, they spent their time scrawling cynical statements like this, insulting and further dehumanizing the Bosniak women.

Maps of Bosnia-Hercegovina

Here is a map os Bosnia-Hercegovina so you can see where the country is located in Europe.



Here you can see Bosnia-Hercegovina and also Croatia, so so you can see the Bosnian capital Sarajevo, where I am now, and you can see Mostar, where I will be tomorrow. I am also planning to visit Vukovar in northeastern Croatia (near Osijek, not shown on this map unfortunately). Vukovar was heavily impacted by the war and was only returned to Croatia (after being conquered by Serbia) in 1998.



This is a map showing the ethnic constellation before the war (in 1991).



And this is the ethnic constellation after the war (in 1998). So you can see that the genocide carried out here had very significant impact on the locations where people of different ethnicities reside within the country.



On the last 2 maps, you can see the towns of Tuzla and Zenica which were hit hard during the war and particularly were affected by sexual violence and mass rape. i am planning to visit these communities and meet with women's groups in the area with the hope of making connections for my dissertation research.

Lemkin's House

Last night, the conference participants were treated to a viewing of an incredible play by a New York playwright, which has been translated into Bosnian. The play was performed at the National Theater, which is an incredible building and a cultural center for the country. The play had English "subtitles" but unfortunately they were not always synced up with the words spoke by the actors. Nevertheless the play was incredibly powerful.

Raphael Lemkin was a pioneer in the field of genocide, as he actually coined the term "genocide" and he was a massive force to be reckoned with in terms of pushing the signing of the international laws against genocide. His parents were killed in the Holocaust and he spent his life fighting against genocide in all its different incarnations.

The premise of the play was that Lemkin is a ghost and he is visited at his house by Bosnian and Rwandan genocide victims/perpetrators who beg him to intervene. In the beginning he responds by saying that the law will protect them against genocide, since it was finally ratified by the US in 1988 (following the offensive act by President Reagan of placing a wreath on the graves of SS officers at the cemetery at Bitburg). As the play progresses, it becomes clear that we need more than laws to protect people (one person says a law is only a paper you can wipe your ass with).

In order for people to be safe and protected from genocidal actions, we need people to take a stand and enforce the laws (rather than wiping our asses with them).

The play shows what one person can accomplish, but also that there is still so much work to be done.

Participation in this conference has been incredibly affirmative that I am in the right place, doing the right things (no matter how much I may feel like some kind of strange pariah within my own field of social welfare due to my attention to the topics of sexual violence and genocide).

I feel so grateful that my parents raised me to be compassionate and dedicated to alleviating the suffering of my fellow humans. I was raised to be a social worker and a humanitarian (not on purpose; my parents always supported me in whatever my life goals and professional aspirations have been).

I am grateful to my best friend Leah who has always shown me the right way to be and who is never afraid to speak truth to power. She gives me strength every day I live and breathe on this earth.

I am grateful to my amazing partner Toshi, who struggles with the emotional intensity of my work and yet always tells me how proud he is of me and my work, and how much faith he has in my ability to make a positive change in the world.

My younger brother, Edward, said one sentence to me last year (which erased a lifetime of sibling rivalry): he said "I think you are one of those few people who will really make the world a better place." This confidence in me has catapulted me to a new level of boldness and has allowed me to step outside my own insecurities and give the gifts I have to offer in terms of the knowledge I have gleaned thus far.

The most exciting part of all of this is that I am only just getting started. As Jim Midgley said, "your dissertation isn't your magnum opus; it is your ticket to ride."

I have my ticket, I have boarded the train, and I am so inspired to begin to determine the direction of the train, rather than just blindly riding to the next stop.

My Presentation at the Conference

Today I gave my 12 minute talk about sexual violence against women during genocide, and it was incredibly well-received. I was literally stunned and bowled over by the level of interest in my topic and the number of compliments I received about my presentation.

After the talk, there was a line of people waiting to talk with me about my work, and I gave away all the copies of my book that I brought with me. Many other people took my postcards (with the book purchase information), so I am elated! People even asked me to autograph the books for them!

Usually most "normal" people freak out or back away slowly when I tell them about my research on mass rape, even when I use the most euphamistic terminology I can muster, but here people are so receptive and interested. It is a big culture shock actually, because I am used to talking about this with people who don't know about it, don't care about it, or are simply so horrified by the very concept of this type (and scale) of violence that they cannot take in the information. It is refreshing and amazing to have people engaged and really present with me when i explain what i know to be true.

During lunch (after the talk) a woman who had taken a copy of my book came over to the table where I was eating and wanted to introduce me to her friend (to whom she had shown the book within the 15 minutes between the panel and lunch). I recognized in their faces the same look that normally I give to my own academic "heroes" and I couldn't believe this look was actually directed at me. Those of you who have always had so much faith in me (particularly when I had so little faith in myself) are probably not suprised by the reactions of my colleagues, but I for one am still reeling from all the positive feedback.

Mass Grave Exhumation

Today we visited a mass grave exhumation site. This sign points to the mass grave in an area near Srebrenica. Please be aware that these photos may be upsetting. It was very upsetting to see this mass grave site in person and I just want you to take care of yourself as you are reading these next 2 posts regarding the Srebrenica genocide and my visit to the memorial today.

This is the site that is being exhumed so that the remains can be identified and properly buried. The perpetrators of genocide had put thousands of bodies in several main mass graves.

After this original mass burial, the perpetrators wanted to make it more difficult for themselves to be caught, so they dug up the mass graves with bulldozers, tore apart the bodies, and deposited the pieces in to many many smaller mass grave sites. Pieces of individuals have been found in multiple mass graves. In these photos, you can see that the skelatons are not intact.


There are heads without bodies, and leg bones and hip bones and pieces of people's torsos and more. I was told that a single man's body parts were found in 4 mass graves and they still have not located the entirety of his remains. In this way the trauma continues because survivors have to continue burying their dead again and again as more parts are found over time.

I have never seen something like this in my life, and it changed me deeply. It also had the impact of encouraging me to continue to fight against the commission of atrocities like this. I know I am on the right path.

Srebrenica Memorial

Today we visited the memorial cemetary at Srebrenica where people who were killed in the genocide in 1995 are being reburied. Each year, they have a ceremony in which they bury the remains of people who have been identified in the past year, and many many people from all over Bosnia-Hercegovina attend. There were almost 500 people whose remains were reburied today.



These green coffins were labelled with a number and a name. As the coffins were passed hand to hand by the men, the list of names and ages of the victims were read aloud. The stream of coffins seemed endless, and I kept thinking, "this is only a tiny fragment of the true number of victims, some of whom ma never be found, exhumed, and properly buried.


The men touched the coffins the way a father would hold his infant's head. Such tenderness. As the coffins passed down the line, some men would simply reach out their hand and gently stroke the coffins of their lost community members.




After the coffins were brought to the gravesites, they were buried amidst much crying by women and men. The coffins were laid in the ground, and then thy placed pieces of wood diagonally in the grave covering the coffins. I think this was because it makes it easier to exhume the remains so that the parts of individuals that are found in the future can be buried with the rest of the person. After the wood layer, the graves were filled in quickly with earth.


There is a memorial in the center of the ceremony which lists the names of the deceased and the year of their birth. It is a touching memorial, and I saw scores of people pointing out the names of their loved ones. It reminded me of when i went to Washington D.C. with my mother and we found her cousin Richard Cunningham's name on the Vietnam Memorial. Except you can see that this memorial lists many many people with the same surname, showing that multiple generations of Bosniak families were killed.



This grave struck me because the date of birth is the year I was born. This youth was only 16 years old when he died. I was probably learning to drive a car at that point in history, relatively oblivious of the atrocities being committed here.

Today was one of the most intense days of my life, being here in this place makes it all real. seeing the bones, skulls, coffins, and most of all the tears of the widows, mothers, and others left behind.

Safely, Happily in Sarajevo (at last!)

Today I got to hear the Muslim President of Bosnia speak (my first event once I finally arrived at the conference). I am so glad I didn't miss it. I had only ever seen him on CNN so it was pretty awesome to hear him speak in person.

There are headphones which you can wear when the speaker is using Bosnian and the headphones provide immediate translation. I can't believe the fortitude of the interpreters, because often it is one person translating the Bosnian in to English and then any English into Bosnian. THere may be other languages available as well. amazing.

I also got to hear a speech and large-group-format-discussion with Carla Del Ponte, the Chief Prosecutor of the International Criminal Tribunal on Yugoslavia (ICTY) which was amazing except that most of the questions from the audience focused on the failures of ICTY, most of which were no fault of the Prosecutors.

I just finished watching a screening of Grabavica, which won the "best European film" award at the Berlin Film Festival (I missed the film when I was in Berlin because I didn't hear about it until after the festival was over and the film had won). It is an incredible story about a woman who was raped during the war and her relationship with her daughter who was born as a result of the rapes. I recommend the film to everyone (except children). It was a sensitive, honest, human telling of the story of so many Bosniak women and it has really had an impact in terms of helping survivors of rape to become visible in a culture (and world community) in which they have been invisible.

The director of the film was there and I got to ask her a question after the film (about the process of making it, which she said the wrting alone took 5 years). Amazing! She was swarmed after the screening, so I will try to approach her in the next few days to talk one on one if possible.

And Sarah, the other PhD student from Berkeley who told me about the conference is an instant kindred spirit. We have so much in common in terms of our work but also our style of being in the world, importance of human relationships, respect for people, etc. So we are sharing a room in the hotel (which is quite nice actually, despite the initial reports that the room was smelly and hot). Sarah got air conditioning working in our room, so she is instantly my hero (although she was already pretty high up on my list of awesome people).

So I am making friends, making connections, and basically doing what I came here to do. YAY!

Munich (What?)

So after leaving Sasha and Miki's amazing wedding, and after making it to SFO in record time and catching my flight to Munich, I missed my connecting flight to Vienna/Sarajevo (which actually arrived ontime--not late). The flight was booked (by Lufthansa, not me) so that there were only 20 minutes between the first flight landing and the second flight taking off, so even though I ran like the wind, I missed the connecting flight by 2 minutes! GRR!!

There was a fully booked flight to Sarajevo later in the evening which Lufthansa refused to even put me on the waiting list for (even though I said I was sure I could convince someone to give up their seat for me). After crying, begging, pleading, speaking to a manager and using the F-word didn't work, I realized my defeat and relinquished any semblence of control I might have thought I had. I suppose that is probably good for me. As my mother says, it is "another f*ing growth opportunity." ;)

So I am staying the night in Munich (on the airline's dime) and eating dinner and breakfast here for free. I am staying at the Sheraton, which looks like every other hotel room I have ever been in. I could be in any city, so i am using my imagination to supplement my experience.

I am enjoying being cold for what will probably be the last time in several weeks (Sarajevo is known for 100+ temps in midsummer).

so I will get to Sarajevo, Bosnia tomorrow... I am bummed out because I should be there already, and I am missing the opening night party and tuesday morning conference proceedings.

The suckiest part of all of this is that I left Sasha and Miki's wedding so that I could be in Sarajevo for Tuesday morning, and now I wish I had just taken the later flight since now I missed the end of the reception and I am also missing the conference.

man (woman) plans, God laughs.

but I have my own hotel room here with an enormous bathtub and a TV (with German stations except MTV and CNN-- I chose MTV... I just couldn't stand to watch the news. so depressing!) and a direct flight in the morning, so I guess I can't complain too much...

it is OK for now... and plus I got another German stamp in my passport!

Sasha and Mikiko's Wedding

What an amazing day!! I was able to bear witness to some of my closest friends taking an important step in their relationship, confirming their love and commitment in a beautiful ceremony. Friends, family, and community members were central to the ceremony and reception, which seemed to be not only a celebration of Sasha and Miki, but also of the community they have built around them.

Photos soon!

After the exquisite ceremony in Shakeseare's garden in Golden Gate Park, the reception was held at the Cliff House, a very nice resuaurant right on the ocean cliffs (thus the name!). I performed a bellydance for the newlyweds and the community which gathered to celebrate the wedding.

Right after my dance, I changed my clothes to my traveling outfit and had to leave the wedding immediately to catch my flight out of California. My friend Jay is the speediest safe driver I know, so I asked him and his noble steed Scooby to be my chariot to the airport. We made great time to the airport (although I think I talked Jay's ears off and probably Scooby's too-- you al know how I can get going when I am excited/nervous) and I made it on the plane with a few minutes to spare!

Invited to Speak

In a few days, I will leave San Francisco, California and fly to Sarajevo, Bosnia-Hercegovina where I have been invited to speak at the International Association of Genocide Scholars Conference. I will be speaking on a panel about sexual violence as a genocidal strategy.

I have recently published a short book about the problems of mass rape for women survivors of genocide, so the conference couldn't have come at a better time. I keep joking that no one in the world wants to read (or buy) my book... except for everyone at this conference!

I have business cards, and 10 copies of my book, and tomorrow morning I will pick up 250 postcards that I ordered promoting my book (with a picture of the book cover and the website where you can buy the book).

I feel confident and happy, about to take the next step in my professional career! The best part of the conference is that they are putting me up in a hotel (the main conference venue!) and feeding me for a whole week!! It is going to be so amazing!!!